sei que precisava dedicar um belo espaço deste virtual ao querido Francisco, podia ter sido o menu especial de degustação de uma noite da Moagem /Mó Veggie Bistro; podiam ter sido imensas das memórias partilhadas; podiam ter sido fotos; ... saiu um texto.
precisava sair, provavelmente porque também precisaria chegar a algum lugar.
bem hajas querido amigo. vida longa em tanto que nos deixas.
to overcome trauma, time is gold and space is sacred.
silence becomes my biggest ally and movement jumps into the next level of awareness: to create the opportunity to move slowly, with all presence possible - through the emptiness of space not shared. to move slowly is hard work, I’d say. harder than the huge amount of duties, requests, demands and never ending to dos of an intense work rhythm.
to stop requires a deeper level of trust.
the tiredness and sadness I feel comes from the place of chosen accumulation, a choice made with the consciousness of its need - now so urgent to dissolve. I had to lose touch with my inner intensity to respond to the outer magnitude. I had to select interactions or be shallow. I felt almost numb for several moments, and on some occasions not really seeing who and what was going around me. I was overwhelmed inside, and to be present to all that was going in meant I was less present outside. I found a new code for interactions: let's keep it fast and focused. my attention won’t endure long.
so, I want to say that if I was giving you with more silence than normal, less patient than usual, less presence than what you know; if I did not saw you, if I did not recognize you: don’t take it personally.
it was, as is, absolutely personal. I’m still very in, still needing to over-select interactions out. * fires burning, emotions covered, waters contaminated, business opening, awake people sleeping, silence calling, love melting, lack of breath, babies growing, disappointment, fuel consumption, incompetence, events, misunderstanding, ego, chaos, beauty, dreams, reality. death. inner intensity, outer massiveness. *
it’s a big loss for each of us who knew Francisco. it's a big loss even for the ones who didn’t know him - as his legacy and wisdom could (and surely will) feed so many.
I was privileged to be intimate with the man behind the teacher. I’ve expressed my gratitude several times, and I know well how we could value the exchanges we’ve made in all these years of friendship and work. I was overwhelmed by the connection my body made in the exact same moment the pulse of life moved to another flow. and I look back and remember it was also like this when my dad or my mom passed away. I bow to the big wisdom of this cosmos. my prayers of connection, ease, and love kept pulsing for long - though tears kept running on my face, all my skin seemed to cease her function of separating flesh from the void. I was all over. I had to rub me to feel where I started and where I ended.
and then I choose to resume. Resume all this intensity, to manage duties and internalize the loss: the loss of logic, the loss of control, the loss of expectations, ...
more homework in the suitcase, how to propel living fully combined with seeding a bright future - when something like this suddenly shakes so deeply the floor I step in.
there is light in the depths of the sea - I keep “mantraing”.
when Francisco started diving he told me repeatedly how that was his refuge of becoming unknown, invisible. I guess he chose - filled with passion and joy - to master an art of becoming one with the blue, to gaze planktons, dance on seven seas and become finally invisible. but we all know, dear friend, all you’ve given out through your life of service will keep you visible again and again in the daily choices you inspired us to reach. in the legacy that you leave behind.
there is light in the depths of the sea - I keep “mantraing”.
and as I keep on the slow pace of reconnecting the pieces I had locked somewhere inside, I recognise the trembling tearful voice inside questioning: how... with so much that we need light on the surface of this land… I have to go deeper, make it personal and own my loss as I hunger for more light around - less density, more clearness, extra inspiration, more upliftment.
let’s be that what we seek.
and let’s share it with each other.
we, surely, all need it: to give and receive it.
thanks Francisco for being light.
flexible and rooted.
update: > homengagem ao Francisco na Assembleia da República, hoje dia 19/07, pelas 17h. > para quem não teve oportunidade de conhecer o Francisco, ele deixa um enorme legado espalhado em milhares de alunos e concentrado no Instituto Macrobiótico de Portugal. recomendo a leitura atenta dos artigos por ele escritos e aqui partilhados: artigos.